Oreosis (awr ee oh’ sis) – n. The practice of eating the cream center of an Oreo before eating the cookie outsides.
What simple chocolatey and sweet goodness is an Oreo cookie! This American icon was created by the National Biscuit Company back in 1912, and people have been practicing Oreosis ever since. Since then, Oreos have come in many different colours and even flavours for the seasons and holidays. There was even one stretch when they made an Oreo that turned the milk you dipped them into blue, but that is a different kind of Oreo tradition. A different sniglet for a different day. How Oreosis became a cookie-eating ritual is a mystery, but it is not only done with Oreos, but other kinds of sandwich cookies, where you just need to get to that buttercreme filling first. Hydrox, Do-si-Dos, and other Oreo clones are variations thereof are still eaten using the Oreosis method. DoubleStuf Oreos are especially fun, because with all that sugary filling, you get double the sugar rush, but there are not as many to use Oreosis on in a standard bag due to their larger size. Just about anyone has the skill to use Oreosis, but little ones might need a bit of guidance to get the cookies separated without breaking the creme middles. Older brothers and sisters, it is up to you to guide them properly, because once they get older, then you can indulge in Oreosis racing. This will in turn create a familywide sugar rush, and may the Gods help the parents of these hyped-up kids. They are going to need it.
T’otchlie – The notch marked on condiment packets that reads “TEAR HERE”, but never works when you try to rip them.
Earlier this week, we posted the sniglet “frustra“, and now we have a by-product of frustra, the t’otchlie. This is one of the most aggravating parts of a fast food dining experience. Sure, there is a little thing on that packet that reads “TEAR HERE”, but once you do that, you still end up mangling that little ketchup packet till it is fubar, and go for the neatly packaged ranch sauce instead. Who wouldn’t? Ranch is great on just about anything. So is challenging that little t’otchlie worth it to get to the most-likely-bad-for-you-anyway, laden with MSG and HFCS stuff inside it anyway? Many of those who think that fries are just something to pick ketchup with think so.
T’otchlies not only are on condiment packets, but also pre-measured coffee packets, as many people who work in, well just about any business that offers free coffee to their employees, will have to deal with. T’otchlie is pretty much the bane of convenience in little 1-8 ounce packets, and those packets are most often made from frustra. So to those of you who know the secret to getting around the t’otchlie, share it with us, or just continue laughing at us when we finally do get those packets open and manage to get ketchup on just about anything but our french fries.
Pawtrauma – v. the sound of a cat’s scratching claws on your outside windowpane, which is not unlike “Chalktrauma“.
Tap, tap, tap…. scritch, scritch, scritch… you know what they want! Those cats want in for some noms, some fun, or maybe just for some snuggles. They are going to enter your house when you give into the sound of pawtrauma, and take you into their kawaii zone. From bathing in the sun all day to coming in with frosty paws on a winters’ night, they will make you give into the pawtrauma, because this sound is so annoying, you have no choice but to make it stop. The sound of one cat doing this will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end, but if you have multiple cats creating a pawtrauma chorus, just out of you chair and let those felines in now! They will not give up until they get what they want. Your dog might think he’s human, but your cat was once revered as a god, and cats never forget this, and they want to make sure you never forget it either. If you do, you might someday become the victim of Clawtrauma, but that’s a different sniglet for a different day.
Eddihate – v. To turn off the stereo or television set when a Crazy Eddie commercial appears.
As it is the weekend, and much of the better TV viewing or radio shows come on during these times, it seemed it was time to bring up the subject of Eddihate. Eddihate has gone beyond the simple Crazy Eddie style commercial. We used to hit the mute button when that annoying guy from Allied Discount Tires or whatever local business owner with the overly loud and obnoxious voice would come on. That was just one local guy, and his ads would usually run during newshour reports, or late night. Sometimes his ads might be on the radio as well, but if you were lucky enough to get one of those stations that ran 5-hour music marathons, you could avoid Crazy Eddie altogether if you timed your listening time properly. There’s a new kind of Eddithate now, and it goes farther than any Crazy Eddie ads ever did. Now its hate for just about any prescription drug that they might make an ad for, any kind of male enhancement potion, call it what you will, and other VERY LOUD ADS! that are naught but ear spam. Congress and the FCC might even be helping regular media viewers take on their Eddihate, but till we have to stop using our mute buttons, keep on hating the Crazy Eddie ads, because they aren’t crazy any more, they are infinitely insane!
Seagull Manager (see-guhl mæn-ij-er) n. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
We’ve all worked with this kind of person, and we know what kind of a headache they can be. Swooping down into the office, making that awful noise, “Drivel! Drivel! Drivel!” and “No! No! No!” They can see no good in anything anyone does, and if you are unlucky enough to see their SUV parked outside before you actually do head into work, you will usually roll your eyes and say, “Aw, hell no!” when you are walking up to the door. The Seagull Manager is one of those people who tend to drive some high end Stupid Ugly Vehicle, and the whole of the office is often left with these puzzling questions whenever they show up. “How in the hell did this idiot get this job?” or “How did this guy make enough money to afford that Stupid Ugly Vehicle?” Somehow, through using Mummy and Daddy’s money and paying off some desperate nerd to help him cheat on the SAT to get into high end university, the Seagull Manager landed in a position over everyone. So, if you are very lucky enough to develop telepathic abilities in your daily office life, don’t be surprised to see little fantasies of murder and mayhem starring the Seagull Manager as the victim in your co-workers minds.