Parkrastinate n. The inability to decide which parking space to choose in a near empty parking lot.
So it’s around 6 AM in the morning wherever you are. The quick service restaurants and doughnut shops are open, as are some supermarkets, and the scents of freshly-made, warm baked good fills the air, as does the aroma of petroleum products as early risers gas up their cars en route to work or class. Oddly, even though the stores and restaurants are in full business, and the coffee is beckoning you to come in and get a cup, for some reason, there are all these empty parking spaces before you, and you just do not know which one to take. You cannot parkrastinate for too long, because those danishes are getting more stale by the minute. Those bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits and crunchy hash brown potatoes are waiting, and it is their destiny for you to consume them. Once this delightful task is taken care of, you might encounter more parkrastination along the way as you head into other stores or places just opening up. Being a morning person has its advantages, and hopefully you will get over your parkrastination soon, because those empty spaces won’t stay that way for much longer.
Bugpedal (bug’ ped uhl) – v. To accelerate or decelerate rapidly in an attempt to remove a clinging insect from a car’s windshield.
Spring will be with us again before we know it, and that’s the time when bugs like to swarm. Warmer weather brings out the mating instincts in insects, and these little critters are going to be flying everywhere. For some reason, it seems they like the roads and highways best. I don’t know if insects are attracted to the smell of burning gasoline or burnt motor oil and other petroleum products. It seems they take on the state roads by storm, in Florida, Hwy 60 seems to be there favourite, and Lake Wales must be their spawning grounds, because any time a trip has been made through there, no matter if you are going from Miami to Tampa, or from Ft. Myers to Jacksonville. When you drive through Lake Wales, or maybe even Lake County in general, your car will become inundated with insects corpses, and sometimes, those bugs are not your ordinary bugs. These are Southern Bugs! They have a resilience like no other insects on the planet with the exception of those living in the Amazon Rainforest. You will eventually encounter a bug so big on your windshield that you will have to apply a Bugpedal technique. This is especially good for getting rid of dragon and damselflies, but if you want to bugpedal to get rid of Lovebugs, it won’t happen. Lovebugs are far beyond bugpedaling to remove. Recommendation: Very hot water and dawn, then more very hot water.
Flotta Factor (flah’ ta fak’ tur) – n. The proven scientific fact that at a self-service pump, the last ten cents take longer to reach the tank than the first twelve dollars’ worth.
No matter what season, the flotta factor kicks in, no matter where you are in this big land of ours. Some people try to drain every drop from that gasoline hose, and it they must be very patient to get that last ten cents in. Some get close enough to the planned $20 in 60 seconds flat to get to the $19.90 mark and figure, “Meh… so the C-store owner gets an extra ten cents from me.” Not exactly sure who is who out there when it comes to these gas-pumping techniques, but be sure, as long as we have self service as a standard now, that last ten cents will always take forever to get into your tank. Yes, I do miss the full service days when gas $.50 a gallon and the mingling scents of glass cleaner and fresh petroleum products in the air, and we’ll never see such things again. At least thinking on that nostalgia will give you something to do while you wait for that last ten cents to get into your tank. Far too much time has been wasted on the roads thanks to the Flotta Factor.