Pewtone (pyu tone’) – n. (chemical symbol: Pu) A major atmospheric component of towns with paper mills.
If your are unlucky enough to live in the eastern part of Bay County, Florida, or in Dayton, Ohio, then you know that when the wind blows in that unfortunate direction towards town, you are going to have to deal with pewtone. Be it the Stone Paper Company or the Mead plant, they deal in the meshing of wood pulp into paper products, and that binding of woody sour mash is a very sour smell indeed. Sometimes you might be passing by a water treatment plant, but then, the pewtone stays with you for miles as you drive. Nope, the water treatment plant was 10 miles southwest of you. That’s the nasty paper pewtone invading your olfactory nerves and making your little drive not so pleasant. Perhaps those who are around the pewtone enough have grown used to it, and their senses have been dulled a bit. Those of us who are just visiting or driving through these paper mill cities are not so lucky. The smell is sharp and strong, and we wonder if we are driving through a salt marsh. Maybe the baby riding in the backseat needs a visit from the diaper patrol. Nope, kid is clean. Pewtone can make you question its origins, but its own origins can’t be mistaken. Pure and simply put, wood pulp processing never smells pure, but more like, putrid.
Mustgo (MUST go) – n. Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long that it has become a science project.
We’ve all seen them, that bizarre growth in those little plastic containers. Sure, at one time they might have been macaroni and cheese, or maybe chili, or stir-fry, or cheesegrits… wait, no one ever has leftover cheesegrits! Anyway, whatever might have been placed in those little containers sure doesn’t look like what it started out as. What might have been a cheesy orange-y colour is now browny-green, and the smell…. let’s so not go there! What you have discovered is a mustgo. Perhaps there is someone in your household with a strong enough stomach to work on eliminating mustgoes from your icebox. This person is to be praised and applauded, because not everyone can handle what they do. It makes you wonder if they might want to be Mike Rowe’s apprentice on Dirty Jobs. You wonder how they manage to left the lids off those reusable buttery spread bowls and not lose their dinner while trying to identify what is a mustgo and what is not. Taking on mustgoes is not an easy task, and even the most stout horror movie fans might have a rough time of it. Movies are purely visual and audible. Mustgoes attack the olfactory nerves, and no matter how much blood you can stand to look at on a screen, you don’t have to smell the carnage, or the slimy alien causing it. The mustgo identifier actually has to deal with that. Are you brave enough to handle the mustgoes?