Aeroma (ayr oh’ ma) – n. The odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.
So, it’s the third day of a new year, and many Musings readers are most likely working on their New Years resolutions to eat healthier and get more fit. Some of us might have loftier ideas, like to plan ahead, or to become more charismatic, but for those whom are sticking to the basics, you are most likely going to end up going to a gym or fitness centre someday within the fortnight, and you may encounter an aeroma. You could be passing by it, or even be part of the crowd creating it, but no matter what, this vaporous amoeba of odor will engulf your olfactory nerves in such a manner that you might consider rethinking those basic fitness plans for the new year, and try for something a bit more adventurous or cerebral. Outdoor hiking might create the same scent, but at least it won’t be contained into one compact space. Another great thing about outdoors workouts is the fact that there are plenty of other scents to mask the aeroma, like woods, flowers, animals, chemical pollutants, etc. So, good luck with those plans, and let us know how they work out for ya.
Flabalanche — What happens when a fat guy loosens his belt
With the fall/winter holidays comes much feasting and celebrating, no matter what your faith. From the feasting on sugary treats on Halloween to the showers of champagne on New Year’s Eve, there is always going to be something to add to our waistline. Some of us don’t give into the media hype of New Year’s resolutions and will just let it all slide, literally. This is what is called a flabalance. Unlike a regular avalanche made of snow, ice, rock, and usually very loud sounds, a flabalanche tends to be made of overindulgence of sweets, homemade baked goods, way too much meat, lots of butter, and far too much beer to wash it down with, and let’s not forget the barbeque served up at those tailgate parties. There is no warning, much like with the natural avalanche, but a flabalanche tends to be less deadly, unless the person who had the flabalanche has a nasty bout of flatulence. Then those around him/her might get a bit of gas poisoning. Even that is only temporary. So, if you do know that this might occur at your holiday parties and family gatherings, stand aside and let the man/woman go through, just try not to be downwind when it happens.
Tricklemicrochips – n. Those little tiny broken pieces of Doritos that seem to trickle to the bottom of the bag or bowl no matter what
On this big game day, we are going to be consuming multitudes of salty tortilla chips, salsa, flavoured or plain. Somehow, these fried and sliced maize pancakes will become brittle throughout the day, and little bits of them will break off and fall to the bottom of their container by the force of gravity. These tiny bit of tortilla chips are called “Tricklemicrochips”. They are too small to dip, too small too bake into a nacho tray, so small, even the family pets don’t want them. They are just some kind of fiesta dust, but they are still just as tasty. The only way to eat them is to tip them into your hand, and guzzle them down like you do with Pixie Stix. Read more...(268 words, 1 image, estimated 1:04 mins reading time)
Decaflon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
There are many of you across the world at this time whom are currently going through this grueling event. Thanks to the ritual known as “New Years Resolutions”, there are nations full of unhappy people taking on the Decaflon every day, wondering how long it will take before they break down and guzzle down a corny-syrupy filled soda pop, a potato chip, or a decadent little chocolate. It is January 11th, and if your Decaflon has lasted this long, you have amazing willpower. If it hasn’t, then you’re pretty much a normal person. Decaflon is an event that can only be truly taken on by dedicated health nuts, desparate celebrities, and super-human athletes. Even super heroes and villains give into the breaking point of the Decaflon. Give into your craving for something bad, a remember that you are pretty much normal, because this life has too much going on it to worry about how many calories one might consume while eating a scoop of Chunky Monkey. So long as all the ingredients of what you consume are of a good quality, and not developed in a lab somewhere, it should be okay in moderation. Decaflon is not an event for the weak, and even though who appear to be able to take on its challenge most likely won’t. Be a normal person, and let the Decaflon defeat you.