Phistel (fis’ tul) – n. The brake pedal on the passenger side of the car that you wish existed when you’re riding with a lunatic.
No matter if you are on the highways for the holidays, or even just riding around town, there are going to be times when you are going to want a phistel. The phistel is usually worked in tandem with the “Oh S**t!” bar. One of these things is imaginary, and the other usually does exists, depending on the vehicle you are riding in. Say you are riding with a person that is a speed demon, and maybe you are on a mountain road, and you can see a drop off from your window. You will be hitting that phistel pretty hard as your speedy driver goes barrelling down the hill. You might be tapping the phistel, and grabbing at the “Oh S**t!” bar at the same time, and if that mountain road is long and winding, you might soon find yourself turning to the driver and asking, “What’s that burning smell?” If he or she answers, ‘Oh, that’s the brakes,” feel free to freak out. You can slam on that phistel all you want, but this ride ain’t over till the driver is ready to stop.
Passholes – definition, People that pass you while driving then pull in front of you and then slow down (slower than you were driving)
They just seem to be everywhere on the roads, and there is no avoiding the passholes. For some reason, they must think the place they were heading to might not be there when they arrive, ala ID4:Independence Day “What, you think we get to Washington and it won’t be there?”…. response: disturbing stare. The thing is with passholes, they don’t just zip past you, and keep on zipping down the road. No, they like to pass you, then scoot right in front of you and then drives slower than you were going. Are they being a tease, and are they trying to teach you a lesson on road safety? Are they just being jerks, and are they making fun of you while you attempt to pass them, and thus make you become the passhole? They tend to be more common on highways and interstates than on city streets, but there will never be truly any kind of avoiding them. Until we get faster and safer rails and more rail service to rural areas, the passholes are going to keep hitting the streets, so good luck out there. You are going to need it. Read more...(239 words, 1 image, estimated 57 secs reading time)
Gapiana (ga pee ah’ nah) – n. The unclaimed strip of land between the “you are now leaving” and “welcome to” signs when crossing state lines.
Traveling season is upon us, and with it many of us are going to slide into Gapiana while driving. On I-95 or I-75, out of the Northeast or the Midwest to the South, or maybe you might take one of the older US highways, like US 231 or US 62, where you can visually see the change from state to state. That is Gapiana. Not having traveled much from East to West, I have not encountered the cross-country Gapiana, but from North to South, it is pretty obvious, especially when going through hills of Kentucky and into Appalachia. Such a vast difference in the geology. Natural differences are not the only things that make up Gapiana. Commercial differences do, too, and there is nowhere better to see that than on the corridor that brings most tourism to the South, I-75. Even Gapiana is filled with billboards advertising attractions that are at least a hundred miles away. I do not know how much of an impact placing “See Rock City” billboards in every inch of space along the Interstate will bring in people to see seven states from Lookout Mountain, but it seems that Gapiana’s sole purpose for existing is to advertise places like these.