Chwads (chwadz) – n. The small, disgusting wads of chewed gum commonly found beneath table and counter tops.
Chwads are something we don’t usually see, but we know they are there. In school, we tend to find them under desks, which might be one of the many reason we really should not be chewing gum in class, let alone the fact that it might end up in someone’s hair. In casual restaurants and diners, people, for some stupid reason, will put the gum under the table rather than wrapping it up in one of the many paper napkins freely offered on the table. In theatres, they are just part of the cinemuck, but this kind sticks to the seat, and not to the floor. Chwads come in many different flavours, but most of us are too grossed out by them to find out what kind. We usually leave that to the bugs to find out. If the ants want that bubblegum, let them have it. If a palmetto bug wants minty fresh breath, by all means, have a go at it, but do it late at night when no one is there to see it, and get even further grossed out by it. We can get grossed out enough by watch movies like Piranha, or playing games like Amnesia. There are always going to be chwads everywhere, just do your best not to add to their population.
CHUBBLE (chuh’ bul) n. – The aerobic movement combining deep-knee bends and sideward hops used when tryi ng to fit into panty hose.
Many women and some men in the western world have had to to this silly dance step at some time. There is nothing like a brand new pair of pantyhose or tights to get one frustrated. They come out of the bag, egg, box, pokeball, whatever packaging looking like a big wad of chewing gum, and you have to unravel them until they look like something that resembles leg coverings. Then you ravel them back up, one leg at a time, in an attempt to put them on. In slides one foot, and if you are very lucky, you did not get them twisted backwards. In goes the other foot, and you draw them up to your knees, and that’s when the dance begins. It goes like this, pull left, pull right, pull left, pull right, till you reach the top of the thighs. Wiggle 1, Wiggle 2, Pop out hip to left, pop out hip to right, as you glide them over the hips. Two deep knee bends as you try to pull the crotch up so it fits against the crotch comfortably and there are no air pockets. Pull again on both sides to make sure there are no droopy air pockets in the legs, and you are done. If you are one of the lucky people who can do this every day, you are king or queen of your domain, and you have the talent and drive to become a part of House Slytherin.