Gurmlish – n. The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his mouth.
Be careful when dining out at lunch today at the better casual restaurants, because most of them will most likely have some kind of version of a club sandwich on the menu. When the server brings that lovely platter filled with turkey, ham, bacon, mayo, and veggies to you, you must remember to not only look for the gurmlish, but to remove it as well. That toothpick is the only thing hold that sandwich quarter together until you get it into your hand, and having a hole in your palate is going to be rotten way to spend the rest of your day at work or in classes. Gurmlishes might show up on other kinds of sandwiches, maybe on hors d’oeuvres tray, or even on one filled with petit fours. Gurmlishes might even be more of a common site with the holiday season coming up, so expect to see them not only at parties, but at grocery store demos, and maybe holding fruits together in well-dressed cocktails. Good luck out there, and don’t forget to look for the gurmlishes. They are there for your own protection. Read more...(234 words, 1 image, estimated 56 secs reading time)
Joes of Arc (johz’ uhv ark) – n. Tiny drops of Mr. Coffee that die on the burner after the pot is removed.
Anyone whom is a coffee enthusiast will know what Joes of Arc are. Those are the little drops of coffee that hit the burner of the coffeemaker when you pull out the pot. Don’t feel sorry for them, because it is their destiny to sacrifice themselves for the cause of great, and sometimes, not so great, coffee. You hear them sizzle anywhere drip coffee is made. In your kitchen, the corner quick service restaurants and doughnut shops, the diners, and casual restaurants. Joes of Arc even fall in finer restaurants and seafood houses, but you can’t hear them fall. Their passing goes with a light scent of roasted Columbian bean aroma, and if your sense of smell is acute enough, you might notice it. Your acute sense of smell might have been what got you addicted to such a fine and flavoured ground bean soup. No matter what time of the day it is, somewhere, Joes of Arc are going to be finding their end on a burner plate. They will die happy and we will appreciate what has become of them as we consume their brothers and sisters with gusto.
Chwads (chwadz) – n. The small, disgusting wads of chewed gum commonly found beneath table and counter tops.
Chwads are something we don’t usually see, but we know they are there. In school, we tend to find them under desks, which might be one of the many reason we really should not be chewing gum in class, let alone the fact that it might end up in someone’s hair. In casual restaurants and diners, people, for some stupid reason, will put the gum under the table rather than wrapping it up in one of the many paper napkins freely offered on the table. In theatres, they are just part of the cinemuck, but this kind sticks to the seat, and not to the floor. Chwads come in many different flavours, but most of us are too grossed out by them to find out what kind. We usually leave that to the bugs to find out. If the ants want that bubblegum, let them have it. If a palmetto bug wants minty fresh breath, by all means, have a go at it, but do it late at night when no one is there to see it, and get even further grossed out by it. We can get grossed out enough by watch movies like Piranha, or playing games like Amnesia. There are always going to be chwads everywhere, just do your best not to add to their population.