Squeech – The sound of a metal pot or pan as it passes over a hot stove burner.
It’s time to fix dinner, but sometimes, as that pasta boils away, you’ve got to grab a potholder and slide that pot off the stove to drain those noodles. That’s when the squeech occurs. A squeech is one of the world’s most annoying sounds, and will make anyone within earshot grit their teeth, and cock their head to the side like a puppy when it hears a whistle. That hot metal on metal scrape doesn’t last but for a second, but as they said in Deep Blue Sea, “How long something lasts is all relative.” In the case of a squeech, that metal on metal sound seems to go on forever in you happens to be in the kitchen when it happens. Not only do pasta pots make the worst squeeches, but so do cast iron skillets and sometimes woks. Woks might put out small squeech bursts as they tend to get shifted around during stir-frying. No matter what form the pan takes, the squeech is always the same. Loud, spine-tingling, and flesh crawling. Just like a sudden case bad flatulence, it is usually over in a matter of seconds, but the after-effects still linger. One wonders if squeeching might be one of the underlying cause of tinnitus.
Chalktrauma (chawk’ traw ma) – n. The body’s reaction to someone running his fingernails down a chalkboard.
Now that holiday vacation is over, get ready, students, for six more months of possibly hearing one of the world’s most annoying sounds in your own classroom. Someone, somewhere is going to take upon his or herself to make you miserable for about a minute of your time for their maniacally evil fun. You will hear the squeal and the squeak, and hold your hands to your ears in agony, chanting “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” until this evil-doer has gotten their satisfaction in making you beg. You might even be that evil-doer, and you will hold the power to make your classmates bend to your will when you run your own fingernails down that blackboard. Isn’t it amazing how the noise never seems to affect the person who is actually doing the scratching? There are those you who might be lucky enough to live in a town where blackboards have been replaced by whiteboards, but you still have to deal with the squeak of dry erase pens, but they are really not even close to giving students Chalktrauma. How very, very lucky you are now!