SUBATOMICTOASTICLES (sub ah tom’ ik toh’ stik uhlz) n. Tiny fragments of toast left behind in the butter.
You don’t exactly know how they got in there, but somehow, those subatomictoasticles keep getting into your big tub of Land O Lakes Softserve, Smart Balance Spread, or Parkay Margarine. Those little brown, and sometimes little black specks that tend to stray from the knife when you go to dress that second slice of toast. This tends to happen more often with soft commercial-baked breads than with homemade or artisan breads. Normally, it’s not such a problem, until you want to make mashed potatoes or buttercream frosting… Big problem! Maybe the gravy can hide the subatomictoasticles in the potatoes, as can any herbs or spices you might add. Buttercream is a completely different thing. There is no way to disguise the subatomictoasticles in frosting, unless you are lucky enough to be making a dark glossy chocolate. Face it, the cheap bread and the knife are out to mar your buttery spread, so when it comes to baking, use the real thing in sticks, and don’t let that toasting knife anywhere near butter that might end up in a dish you are wanting to impress someone with. If the subatomictoasticles somehow do make it into a baked goodie, and the persnickety people who complain about such thing might be a problem, take said goodies to work. Co-workers are like seagulls on a landfill, and will attack homemade goodies with a passion.