Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous

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From A-list to Enlist, Jessica Simpson is Private Megan Valentine. She’s blonde and dangerous, and the Army will never be the same! But let’s go back a bit to find out just how Megan Valentine (Jessica Simpson) ended up in basic training in South Carolina. So, this pampered Hollywood princess has everything, the big house in Beverly Hills, access to the hottest designer labels, and a staff that takes care of her every need. She has a manager, an agent, and an accountant that look after her job and finances. When it comes to working, all she has to do is show up, and soon, she’s at another movie premiere, and the entire country is laughing at America’s sweetheart and comedy queen. She cannot understand why her agent, Sidney Green (Steve Guttenberg) won’t find her more serious roles, and why her staff members are always to cold towards her. After meeting with her boyfriend, Derek O’Grady (Bryce Johnson) for a few hours at the movie, he soon has to leave to meet with Nigel Crew (Michael Hitchcock), their manager, or else he’s going to be in big trouble. Megan goes back into the movie, and hears some other women in the ladies’ room talking about how bad her latest movie is, and calls her agent, but he gives her some bad news. Her accountant, Cousin Barry (Kurt Fuller), who also happens to be her cousin, has run off with all her money, and she might not even be able to keep her house. She needs comforting, and goes to find Derek, and she does, in bed with Nigel. So now, she is upset, and a little tipsy from drinking expensive champagne at the movie celebration. Drinking and driving and crying don’t mix too well, and when she veers off the road to avoid hitting a racoon, she goes down a bank, and slams her shiny pearl pink SUV into a tree. After her Guide Star service kicks in to inform her that the authorities are on the way to help, the open champagne bottle tips over, and Megan realises she could have some trouble with the law once they get to her. She leaves the SUV, and heads into town. She drinks the rest of the champagne, and falls asleep in a doorwell. She is still dressed in her designer gown and holding her sparkling matching shoes and evening bag. A tall man in a military uniform tells her that she has to leave, and she requests to use the restroom inside the place he is going into. The place is a U.S. Armed Forces recruiting centre. Megan is impressed by the advertising, and feels that since her world is crumbling around her, she needs a change. She is in for a shock, but so is the Army once they get her.

She is shipped to Basic Training in South Carolina, and faces two of the roughest, meanest people she will ever come across. Sergeant Louisa Morely (Vivica A. Fox) and Sergeant Mills Evans (Ryan Sypek) are going to make her life a living hell, but what they do not know, is that she is going to be doing the same to them.
Megan Valentine goes from being the queen of comedy to the pampered princess of screw-ups. She is in a platoon with many other women with histories and goals that she never dreamed of. From the shy and overly-sensitive Private Petrovich (Olesya Rulin) to the vengeance-seeking ex-sergeant, Private Jeter (Cheri Oteri), and many others in between. The Army brings out both the best and worst out in Megan, and definitely the worst out in the paparazzi that stalk her.

This is a fun movie that should not be taken too seriously, but it is still cute, but reminds me much of other poor little rich girl trying to take charge of her life by making a drastic change movies I have seen in the past. It is great that it has a diverse cast, and even though it is pretty much an average movie, I really don’t mind watching it again at times. Just makes me feel good.

I give this film a Musing review of ★★★☆☆☆ 

Available on DVD from Amazon
Available with Amazon Instant Video