Bloodrayne: The Third Reich

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Well, she’s back, the world’s most famous dhamphir, the splatter artist whom has become the crush of many a young adult male gamer over the years, Rayne. Lara Croft might have resources, but she doesn’t have experience, nor does she have director Uwe Boll making her movies. This is his third time around, casting Natassia Malthe, the same Rayne as from the second Bloodrayne, and we are in a new place and time. 1943, Eastern Europe, and the Nazis are holding their grip on everything. Rayne is part of a resistance cell that raids Nazi trains for weapons to fight against them with. Right as a new shipment comes through some small forest town in southern Poland, Commandant Ekart Brand (Micheal Pare’) has personally come down to check on this shipment, but Rayne’s team takes on the Nazi guards in their bloodletting style. Rayne is well into her slice and dice style, and when she comes upon the commandant, she takes him down with a sharp metal pole through his gut. This would be all well and good, but Rayne slips up and gets a craving for blood, and drinks from the dying commandant. When they open the train cars, they find not weapons, but Jews that are to be shipped to the death camps. They bring these new people with them, in hopes of getting them safe, and their lives go back to business as usual. What Rayne does not know is her quick feast has turned the commandant into a dhamphir.

Rayne decides to reward herself for a job well done, and heads to a local brothel for a massage. While there, she hears the cries of one of the working girls from another room, and finds a Nazi officer beating her. Rayne decides to teach the guy a lesson, in a manner that will keep him from not wanting to touch anyone sexually for a very long time. The brothel girls reward her with some lesbian sex, much to the delight of the target audience, to be sure. While this is happening, one of the other girls slips off to the office of the commandant to tell them that Rayne is at the brothel. The commandant feels the bloodlust come on him, and feeds on the girl, and leaves her to his doctor, a typical mad scientist, Doctor Mangler, played by the ever-creepy Clint Howard. From there, Commandant Brand looks to using his new found power as dhamphir as a new weapon to expand the power of Nazi Germany, including sending the blood of Rayne to Hitler himself to make the monster immortal. Sorry, according to Rayne and the resistance, ain’t gonna happen.

While this is very close to the video game, the movie itself is bloody, as expected, but rather slow-paced and the lighting is flat, making everything seem washed out and bleak. This bleakness looks not evil and foreboding, but much like an Andrew Wyeth painting that leaves us wondering why there isn’t more there. This movie does suit its target audience, the young male gamer, with its hot, bad-ass heroine, and a couple of gratuitous sex scenes for fan service. There are much better horror films, and even vampire films out there to give us a good scare.

It has been said that Uwe Boll is the reason that there are no good movies out there based on video games. While I have seen some that he had nothing to do with that were pretty good, like the Resident Evil series, the Mortal Kombat movies, and even the silliness of Super Mario Brothers and Double Dragon, he really needs to give the Bloodrayne series over to someone else. Other reviewers across the Net have actually rated this one better over the other two Bloodrayne movies. They all seem pretty flat and lifeless to me, and not in an undead way. There was no good scare here, just lots of useless blood-letting to sell what looks to be a much better videogame. There are much better ways to spend 79 minutes… (wait! It was ONLY 79 minutes long? *facepalm*)! Skip the movie, just play the game, and hope that someday Boll gets a script that he can actually turn into a good movie.

I give this film a Musing review of ★★☆☆☆☆ 

Available on Blu-Ray from Amazon
Available on DVD from Amazon